#not me just trying to write a second chapter as i hyperfixate but need a playlist for the character so i could actually write him

[the-purple-possum]

Okay, i need to know why the song Friends are family (the outro song to lego batman) has suddenly made me really happy.

Is it a good song? Have I been conditioned by only hearing it after one of my favourite movies? Is it the secret third option?

Who fuckin knows

[juqtier]

₊˚╰ 𖣠 MERCY ✧.* SPENCER REID

SUMMARY: During one of the most detrimental and devastating outbreaks this world has ever seen, the BAU had spent countless hours trying to bring in the man responsible, dead or alive. When they seek help from a minacious mercenary, and personal feelings somehow get involved, the situation quickly becomes much more complicated and difficult than anticipated.

GENERAL WARNING: ANGSTY and horror (somewhat), weapons, violence, descriptions of viruses and diseases, death, kissing of course, zombie like creatures, apocalypse, outbreak, descriptions of mutations

CHAPTER WARNING: descriptions of violence and viruses, reader is kinda an asshole. THIS CHAPTER MAY SEEM BORING BUT PLS the story will get interesting as it progresses! just gotta explain the basic concept!

A/N: the first chapter, yay! this is clearly inspired by resident evil (my fav game series). i thought it’d be interesting and unique to combine my two fav hyperfixations. i made the virus names and effects, and im clearly not a scientist so if they are scientifically inaccurate ignore it or im gonna cry. also, I wrote this with early spencer in mind (3-5) but if you imagine him from a different season lmk! ALSO sorry if any of the writing is bad, my english is terrible!

ACCOMPANYING SONG : SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT, NIRVANA

. . .

CHAPTER 1

January 15th, 2009

- 985 days since the outbreak

You had been caught. You had finally been caught.

Of course, you were well aware of the risks that came with being a mercenary, being caught was one of them. Yet, this didn’t diminish the anger you felt, sitting in a dingy, dark interrogation room, cuffed to a table.

It felt as if days passed by. Your eyelids felt heavy, you couldn’t manage to find a comfortable position to rest in. A metal folding chair would quickly prove to be a poor place to even attempt to relax in. Sitting in silence for so long, your ears could perfectly hear the buzzing of the flickering bulb above you, and it drove you crazy.

Just before you could drive yourself insane, focusing on each bothersome aspect of the interrogation room once more, the door opened.

Two men, two entirely different vibes.

One was an older, tall, stoic man wearing a suit practically devoid of color.

And while the man that stood beside him wasn’t wearing the most colorful outfit, his blue shirt and purple tie were a stark contrast to the other man’s outfit.

His long, wavy brown hair stood out as well. A part of you wanted to just stare at him, he was so pretty. But the other part of you, the majority of you, wanted to knock both officers unconscious and attempt to run away.

“I’m Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner, this is Special Agent Dr. Spencer Reid. We’re with the Behavioral Analysis Unit.” The older man explained as both of them took a seat across from you.

The words practically went unnoticed by you, your mind had been more focused on the discomfort caused by the tight cuffs around your wrists. Your eyes met Hotchner's, and he could tell exactly what you were feeling.

Angry.

“Wanna take these cuffs off?” You request.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that until you cooperate with us and give us the information we need.”

“What information?”

Your eyes naturally rolled, gradually growing more annoyed by the second. Even with how frustrated you were, you weren’t going to cooperate easily. You were a mercenary, and the FBI was well aware you had only ever been motivated by payment.

It sounded selfish to everyone else. It was selfish, but to you, it was the only way to survive.

Hotch extracts papers and files from a manila folder, spreading them out onto the table in front of you. Your eyes watched his hands as he displayed each paper for you.

“For the past seven months, me and my team have been observing your every move.” Hotch’s eyes are glued to you. “Several times in these past months, you’ve been employed by Luca Ansaldo.”

The name has been drilled into your ears by this point.

Luca Ansaldo, a wealthy, ‘brillitant’ virologist and CEO of the virology company SynX. And, unbeknownst to you, the creator of the Lazarus Virus.

Ansaldo had employed you many times before, and with the pay being more than generous for a seemingly easy job, you didn’t think twice about accepting his offer.

But now, just hearing his name was enough to enrage you. Yet, you remain calm, returning Hotch’s eye contact. You barely even noticed Reid beside him, merely observing the interaction between you and Hotch.

“He paid me well for a simple job, is that what you wanted to hear?” You mutter.

You knew that wasn’t what they wanted to hear, but you also couldn’t tell what they wanted.

The past officers that had come in, aggressively interrogating you, never made it clear what exactly they wanted from you. All you could really understand was that they wanted his whereabouts, and you couldn’t tell them that. You didn’t even know.

“What jobs did he pay you for?” Hotch inquires.

“Easy jobs. I’ve done that plenty of times before for others, why does it matter now?”

Hotchner adjusts in his seat, probably finding it just as uncomfortable as you were in that moment.

“It’s important because we’re not currently after the other individuals you’ve worked for, we’re after Ansaldo.” He explains, sliding a document toward you.

Your eyes quickly scan the words on the paper, taking in all of its details.

“Under SynX, Ansaldo has managed to manufacture one of the deadliest viruses known to man, the Lazarus virus. You can see the results of his work walking in the streets.”

“Lazarus Virus?” You question. “Like, from the Bible?”

You clearly knew about the outbreak, every human did. You just had never been able to put a name to the virus responsible.

Reid took this question as an opportunity to share every bit of knowledge he had about the virus.

“Yes, actually. The name derives from Lazarus of Bethany, mentioned in the Gospel of John. The story claims Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, only four days after his death.” He hadn’t even noticed your eyes locked on him as he rambled. “We believe the virus attacks the brain stem, destroying the brain's basic functions. However, while mental capabilities deteriorate, physical capabilities are enhanced, explaining why they’re rather strong and violent. Those infected by the virus are called ‘Revenants’.”

You couldn’t help but be impressed at his ability to speak for so long without even losing his breath. He had spit out each word with urgency, as if he had been waiting to share this information with you.

“You seem to know a lot about the virus, why am I here?”

“We don’t know enough.” Hotch replies. “Without a sample of the virus, we won’t be able to produce an effective antidote. Ansaldo is currently the only man we know of that has any samples, and you know more about him than any of us. You may be our only chance at finding him before it’s too late.”

He leans forward, an even more intense stare accompanying his statement.

For a moment, for a brief moment, you allow yourself to absorb his words. It was as if a switch flipped in your brain, allowing yourself to prioritize others before yourself.

And again, this sounded so incredibly selfish. You could recognize that, of course. But you couldn’t blame yourself. And quite frankly, neither could Hotch or Reid.

The outbreak was and is devastating. Major cities were overrun and filled with chaos, with millions dead or missing. Trusting people wasn’t as common as it was years ago. Especially for you. You had been alone, fighting to survive, for years. It was all to protect yourself. You had the right to protect yourself, right?

“How much?” Hotch’s words bring your attention back to him, back to the situation you were in.

You weren’t sure if you misheard or misunderstood him, and it seemed as if Reid shared that same thought. His eyes widened as he snapped his head towards Hotch, questioning him with his eyes. Hotch, however, doesn’t even seem to notice Reid’s shock.

“What?” You stutter just a bit, clearly confused.

“How much do we need to pay you for your cooperation?” He repeats.

“You want to pay me to work for you?” You reply, skeptical about the offer.

Reid visibly shared the same sentiment. It was as if he couldn’t close his mouth. You didn't expect this, and neither did he.

“You are the closest connection we have to Ansaldo.” Hotch ignores the shocked faces of you and Reid, “If we have to pay you for your cooperation, then we are willing to do that.”

His expression shows that he’s serious. You consider the offer a bit longer before spitting out the first number you can think of.

“Two hundred thousand.”

You wait for any change in his expression, you wait for him to simply refuse. But he never does.

“We can arrange that.” He gives you a small nod before rising from his chair, Reid following. “I will assign an agent to keep an eye on you. You will be kept under supervision at all times as you work alongside my team. If you even attempt to betray our agreement, I promise you will not see a single dollar.”

“Wait.” You blurt out before they can even make their way to the door. “Can I choose what agent gets to follow me around?”

The way you word it makes it sound like a privilege, like it was an honor to have to watch over you. In reality, it most likely wasn’t.

The FBI considered you a dangerous, difficult mercenary. Asking you for help was a last resort, one they tried to avoid. But as they watched the virus spread across the country, unable to stop it, they knew they had no other choice.

“Do you have an agent in mind?” Hotch raises an eyebrow, confused by your question.

You nod in response, your eyes landing on Reid.

You couldn’t explain why, but his quiet, shy demeanor drew you to him. He wasn’t standoffish like the other officers and agents, he was actually quite the opposite of you.

Reid furrows his eyebrows. Neither he nor Hotch had expected the request; their looks expressed that. Hotch looks over at Reid, as if he were contemplating whether he could handle such a job. It was a silent conversation between the two; you were just an observer in that moment.

“Reid will watch over you as you work the case with us.” Hotch proclaims.

“Hotch, are you sure?” Reid whispers, just loud enough for you to hear him. He sounds nervous as he speaks, causing you to smirk.

“If she causes any problems for you, I will assign a different agent for the job.” Hotch responds, going for the door. His hand lands on the door knob, twisting it and pulling the door open with Reid behind him.

“Can you take these cuffs off me?”

Hotch and Reid turn their attention towards you once again before Reid digs in his pocket, pulling out a set of keys. Hotch watches as Reid walks over to you.

Your gaze remained fixed on Reid as he fumbled with the keys. You observed his shakey hands, finding all of it almost humorous.

When he finally managed to remove the cuffs, he let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding in.

You stand up from your seat, rubbing your wrists where the cuffs had previously been.

“Thank you so much.” You say with a teasing, playful tone.

His eyes never meet yours as he steps back, allowing you to stretch, glad to be free from the metal chair you were held down to.

“The team is gathering to discuss our next steps in the case. You’ll be joining us, since you’re working alongside us now.”

He explains the situation quickly as he leads you out of the room, still avoiding any eye contact.

“Exciting.” A smirk was still plastered on your face as you walked behind Reid.

While Reid was more nervous about the situation, and you clearly found it amusing, there was one thing the two of you had in common at the moment.

You had no idea what you were getting into.

. . .

pt. 2

a.n. : again sorry if the writing is bad, but i’m excited for this series to play out! it’s a concept i haven’t seen done before so i wanted to make something cool with it! i believe even if you aren’t a fan of resident evil, criminal minds x mercenary is still kinda cool. also, if you want to be on tag list im more than happy to add you!

[lara-cairncross]

Hi! how are you? I hope fine!

I wanted to know if you could recommend me some Mikey angst fanfics. I feel like I've read them all and at the same time I haven't, hehe.

Love your fairy AU its verry beautyful

(My english is not the best 😅)

heya! i'm glad you like the au :D

I can definitely give u some recommendations for michelangelo fanfics! can't guarantee you haven't read them already, but hopefully a few of them are novel. also gonna tag @roronoacoldbrew, @desterea, and @appleblondie0397, cuz y'all asked for some mikey recs too!

I'm not gonna include all my recs, cuz that would take ages, but I DO have a collection on Ao3 that has like, ~250 entries. and they're 90% mikey-centric, sooooo there's a lot more there! it's linked at the bottom of this post :D

i'll be your detonator -> rottmnt, 4k one-shot, oh my god this fic/series deserves so much more attention. bad future timeline, follows Mikey being THE coolest motherfucker while having several mental breakdowns and arguing with Leo and missing his brothers a lot. the writing style of this author is probably my favorite on this entire list-- like, I would read a novel written like this!!! please read it oh my GOD. and then message me to tell me you read it so I can have somebody to talk about it with I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH

atrophy -> 2012, 36k two-shot. ohhhhh boy this one is NOTHING but angst. follows Mikey reflecting on his life and his relationships with his brothers, right before a suicide attempt. second chapter is his brothers reflecting on their relationships with him as they try to save his life. if I'm being honest, the language is a little too flowery for my taste at certain points? but it's also VERY visceral and graphic, and if you're looking for angst this is literally as angsty as it gets!! like seriously check the tags on this one

1660 days ago -> rottmnt, 4k one-shot human au that isn't exactly mikey-centric?? but basically, follows Donnie's POV after he, Raph, and Leo all die in their family home and stay behind as ghosts. Mikey is a little kid who moves in and is the only one who can see them, and they all begrudgingly adore him. ITS SO CUTE AND IT NEEDS MORE ATTENTION PLEASE. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

over the rainbow -> 2012 x rottmnt, by @vanillavengeance! I think a lot of people have read their other fic (which is also amazing and definitely recommended), but their most recent one is SO GOOD ALREADY and it deserves more attention. Rise!Mikey opens a portal as a tot, falls straight into the 2012 verse, and gets found by Karai-- so he ends up in the hands of the Foot Clan! SUCH good Mikey angst and the relationship between 2012 Raph and Rise Mikey is absolutely adorable, I love them so much :,) 2012 RAPH IS SUCH A BIG BROTHER AND I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT

house away from home -> 2012, AuDHD Mikey rep!! and also anxiety and self-esteem issues and dysfunctional family activities and swufhehnfenhhjrr HEY I LOVE THIS FIC but it does. hit a little close to home. REALLY WELL WRITTEN AND FANTASTIC EMOTIONAL ANGST THO! and also Woody is here :D completed, but the author has it listed as 3/4 chapters, so don't be scared off by that!

choose wisely (or at all) -> rottmnt, 8k one-shot, turtle tots!!! this one is SO CUTE omg-- basically, Mikey is his brothers' favorite playmate, but because he's so little all three of them just kinda??? make him play whatever they wanna play? LIKE ok it's hard to explain but it's literally just a fic about little kids messing around and how being the youngest sibling sucks and learning to speak up for urself and it's PERFECT. THIS IS MY COMFORT FIC. its sweet its fluffy its (slightly) angsty and i love it dearly!!!!

stalling -> 2012, 1k one-shot. VERY short but pure Mikey angst. he stays behind to fight Shredder to give his human siblings time to escape and warn the other turtles :,)

walk with open hands -> 2012, 10k two-shot by @goodlucktai. Mikey gets his hands on one of Renet's time-traveling clocks after Splinter dies, and jumps around the timeline to try and save him. takes some really cool cues from Rise!Mikey's powers! GOD I CANNOT RECOMMEND THIS FIC ENOUGH. like this altered my brain chemistry the first time I read it.

--actually now that I think about it. basically ANYTHING BY THIS AUTHOR IS AMAZING. so much fantastic 2012 Mikey-centric stuff!!! you do have to go back to their older works, since most of their recent fics have been about Rise Leo-- but it's worth it! a few of my other favorites by them are:

the entire give up the ghost series -> 2012 human au where Donnie dies, Mikey is the only one who can see him, and he becomes a paranormal investigator in college because of it;

problem child -> 2012 human/highschool au that's basically 100k words of the 2012 boys fucking around and being family and overcoming difficulties together and Mikey being the most annoying lovable golden-retriever ray of sunshine to ever exist;

traveling so far to get there -> 2012 one-shot where Mikey and Raph end up in a post-apocalyptic world and just kinda,,, chill? until they don't. idk how to explain it but it's really fun, I love how Mikey and Raph's dynamic is written here :D

either way, we're not alone -> rottmnt, 16k one-shot that takes place over the course of the Kraang invasion in the bad future timeline, all from Mikey's POV. another one that doesn't have NEARLY as many hits as it deserves oh my god-- I love love love fics that take a look at this timeline and how fucked up it was! and this is a rly nice mikey-centric one :)

promise -> rottmnt, 8k two-shot by @dysfunctional-doodle. Listen this author has so many amazing Mikey fics from basically every iteration, BUT. THIS ONE. THIS FIC IN PARTICULAR. IS ABSOLUTELY MY FAVORITE. follows Mikey in the good timeline as he grows his mystic powers, with the caveat that he starts seeing visions of the future. I ain't spoiling anything more than that but GOD plz read this one it makes me insane, and the second chapter??? HEARTBREAKING the angst is 10/10. I also really really love this fic by the same author, so that's another one I recommend checking out if you haven't read it before!

big siblings, big family -> 2012, 2k one-shot. this one's pretty short BUT ITS SO CUTE. Mikey gets sick with a virus that only infects mutants, so all his human siblings get to take care of him-- featuring big brother Casey and big sister April and big sister Karai, and hey. hey what if I screamed. i love this concept so much THOSE ARE HIS BIG SIBLINGS!!! AND HE'S THEIR LITTLE BROTHER!!!! this makes me so happy, not super angsty but Mikey does get REALLY sick so you can count it as hurt/comfort :D

orenjinohana -> rottmnt, currently 120k+ words by @geoblitzz and @urlocalllama!! this fic is SO fucking angsty and delicious and terrifying,,, like I would get sick to my stomach with anxiety whenever a new chapter dropped. Mikey catches the eye of a really dangerous yokai and gets kidnapped, abuse and gaslighting and angst ensue. you gotta be especially careful with the tags/trigger warnings on this one tho-- not gonna spoil too much, but things get dark. this fic isn't complete, but it's reached a very natural end to its first arc in my opinion? so you can finish it without feeling like you've read an incomplete fic :) also check the comment section on every chapter if u wanna see me going insane I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH

the better half of better things -> 2012, 4k one-shot, ITS SO FUCKING CUTE. Mikey and Leo hanging out at 3am, Leo comes out as transfem to Mikey, sibling bonding ensues. this is another author that I LOVE the writing style of, but this time it's more for their humor??? like the comedic timing in their fics is SO GOOD. this fic in particular is my favorite but they've written some really fun Rise ones too! not angsty at all but as the CEO of baja blast duo I needed to include it lmao

wanting, getting, needing -> rottmnt, 2.5k one-shot. Mikey dies saving Leo during the events of the movie, and everything kinda falls apart without him. this one's pretty short but ngl I LOVE this concept, Mikey is always depicted as the heart of the team in every iteration so it's super fun to see what happens when he's no longer there!

remember your mission -> 2012, 60k words. IT'S A FUCKING MIKEY-CENTRIC PACIFIC RIM AU. I love this fic to death. it's got ANGST it's got COMFORT it's got SIBLING BONDING it's got,,,, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. but also the sillies being silly!!! anyway the ending broke me. read this one at ur own risk but like,,, DO ACTUALLY READ IT LMAO and then. once again. yell at me that you did so I can talk to somebody about it. Mikey being able to drift with basically any of his family members??? and the four main boys all being interchangeable because they're just THAT close????? perfection

someone to protect -> 2012, 3k one-shot. Mikey's brothers get turtlenapped during a mission that goes wrong, he gets to be a badass and rescue them, and ends up getting seriously injured in the process. hurt and comfort! yay!

our hearts beat louder (than thunder) -> rottmnt, currently 5k words by @belleyells and still being updated as far as I know! Mikey gets injured during a battle and loses his memory; cue older brothers being worried sick and trying to prevent Mikey from freaking out and being scared of them. I'm so excited to see where this one is going!! it's angsty, but Mikey with memory loss is also just,,, really fun to read about in my opinion ahdhehfhrh

the night at rucker park -> rottmnt, 78k words. Shellshocked fic!!! honestly, one of the few Mikey/Miles fics where I feel like both of them are characterized really accurately? anyway its ~80k words of the two of them falling in love and fucking around and being idiots and-- in Miles' case-- slowly experiencing cellular decay! Yay for angst! I know I keep saying this but GOD I LOVE THIS FIC. IT DESERVES MORE ATTENTION. give it some love plz, it's also one of the only finished Shellshocked multi-chapter fics I could find (coming from somebody who currently has an unfinished multi-chapter Shellshocked fic shhhhhh)

be like your brothers (and never like yourself) -> 2012, 25k words. this is another author who has so many FANTASTIC mikey-centric fics from multiple iterations, but this one is definitely my favorite from them!! Mikey's self-worth is so low that he starts picking up specific traits from each of his brothers in an effort to be more "useful", which. doesn't go very well. very angsty, lots of mikey hurting (emotionally and physically), but also pretty cute at the end! hurt/comfort my beloved mwah <333 I LOVE THIS FIC SO MUCH something about it itches my brain

feed me poison till i drown -> 2007, 8k one-shot. Leo leaves, everything kinda falls apart, aaaaand Mikey ends up being convinced to join the Foot Clan by Karai! and the eventually his brothers find out and everything goes very terribly wrong. and i love it. the ending is also left up to interpretation, so it's a really cool read! not super angsty, but Karai's mind games leave Mikey as an unreliable narrator, and the breakdown of his relationship with his family is really well done :D plus anything with Karai and Mikey bonding makes me happy sooooooo

trust is earned (not freely given) -> 2007, 2.5k one-shot, from the same author as the previous entry I believe? mikey's brothers slowly realize that something is wrong with him-- they can't read his emotions or his actions anymore, he dodges questions, etc etc. eventually donnie realizes that they fucked up and he doesn't know how to fix it! no real resolution, just angst and dysfunctional families YAY

when you can't sleep at night -> rottmnt, 7k one-shot. follows three separate instances in Mikey's life where he had trouble falling asleep for whatever reason, went to his brothers for help, and got all the sibling love and comfort he deserves :D primarily fluffy but there's definitely some hurt/comfort in here, especially for the part that takes place after the events of the movie! this is another comfort fic for me ahdhehfhher it's just. very cute. and it reminds me SO MUCH of my little brother when he was a toddler SO IT MAKES ME FEEL SAD AND HAPPY AT THE SAME TIME RAHHHHH

so, I guess we all have issues -> 2012, 122k, human au. OH MY GOD. LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN EVERYTHING BY THIS AUTHOR IS SOME OF THE BEST SHIT YOU'LL READ IN THIS FANDOM BUT THIS FIC IN PARTICULAR WAS SOOOOO FUCKING GOOD. super fucking angsty, but also a lot of sibling bonding??? technically found family??? basically, the 2012 boys all get reincarnated as humans, but Mikey is the only one who remembers their past lives and the fact that they're siblings. he goes on this whole journey to find out where Leo and Raph and Donnie ended up (kinda? cuz in the end they all sort of come to HIM instead but yknow), and has to convince them of the fact that they were mutant ninja turtles in a past life. so that's fun! also raph is trans and leo has PTSD and donnie is struggling as a child genius AND ITS SO GOOD AND SO ANGSTY AND SO FLUFFY AND ITS COMPLETED SO THERES NO REASON WHY YOU SHOULDNT READ THIS RIGHT FUCKING NOW RAHHHHHH

other fics (specifically mikey-centric) by the same author because i swear to god they're LEGENDARY TO ME:

on the flipside -> rottmnt one-shot where April and the boys get hit with some kind of species-swap spell, and April ends up as a mutant turtle while the boys end up as humans;

exhaust trails through space -> 2012 one-shot where Donnie and Mikey need a fucking vacation from Earth (don't we all), so Donnie gets a spaceship from Bishop and Pb&J duo get to fuck around the cosmos for a few weeks and ignore their problems while actually enjoying each others' company;

(un)reality -> 2012 two-shot where Mikey gets captured by the Kraang during his stint in Dimension X and basically gets brainwashed to the point where he tries to kill his brothers when they finally come for him;

play the fool, pity the fool -> 2012 two-shot with MEGA depressed Mikey, this one in particular is really well written-- his downward spiral into depression, his suicide attempt, and his eventual recovery are all written beautifully and realistically and MMM it's so fucking good;

if i could have it back -> 2012 one-shot human au/apocalypse/zombie au, where Mikey and Donnie get separated from the rest of their family and have to survive long enough to find them again;

these days -> 2012 multichapter, unfinished BUT basically Mikey and Donnie get fed up with the way Leo and Raph are acting after Splinter's death (this fic definitely bashes them a little but it's still a good read), and decide to leave the lair and build their own home away from their dysfunctional family;

division difference -> 2012 multichapter, also sadly unfinished BUT it's about Donnie and Mikey getting separated from Splinter and their brothers as tots and growing up feral-- super intriguing concept, and very well written :DD

the broken and the helper -> rottmnt, 9k words. Mikey playing therapist for literally his whole family except himself and completely burning out. and then his brothers figure that out and talk to him and its all very fluffy and sweet in the end and sometimes that's what i need. not super angsty, but definitely hurt/comfort!

angelo -> rottmnt, 4k one-shot. AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MIKEY GETTING THE NICKNAME "ANGELO" FROM LEO BC LEO SEES HIM AS A GUARDIAN ANGEL. baja blast duo fics you have such a special place in my heart (I need more of them) AND THIS ONE IS JUST SO CUTE IM SORRY. a little bit of angst bc of,,,, movie events? but still very cute :)

consuming darkness -> 2012, 68k words. Mikey messes up on a mission and it ends up getting Donnie seriously injured. he gets blamed by his brothers, internalizes it, gets serious with his training and basically becomes this like??? cold-blooded murderer on a revenge mission??? LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN I am. SUCH a lover stories where a character loses/sacrifices everything about their personality to become what they think everyone wants them to be. THIS IS THAT STORY. and then when Raph and Leo realize what's happened to Mikey and have no idea how to "fix" him??? THATS THE GOOD SHIT OH MY GOD. love this fic inject it straight into my veins. on fanfiction.net instead of ao3 (and sadly unfinished), but it's really good for Mikey angst :3

new tricks -> 2012, 3k one-shot, another one from fanfic.net! this one isn't angsty at all, just Mikey and Splinter hanging and bonding together :D I love it though, it's such a cute little fic and very comforting to read ahdhehfhehfhr

no one is alone -> rottmnt, 23k words currently! follows Mikey dealing with everyone's emotional shit after the events of the movie,,,, except his own obviously lmao so he turns to self-harm as a way to relieve stress and anxiety, eventually gets found out, anddddd his brothers help him through recovery :) it's currently unfinished but still being updated as far as I know, and if you want angst, there you go!

temporal differential -> 2012, 7k one-shot. follows Mikey getting stuck in Dimension X for a lot longer than he lets on, and losing hope of his brothers finding him. this one's part of a mini series that kinda revolves around Mikey's time there? and the aftermath? there's a ton of fics that follow this concept but this one isn't tagged very well and doesn't have a lot of hits, so there's a chance you haven't read it if you're looking for new Mikey angst fics to read! plus mikey gets to be smart :333

breakfast for sensei -> 2012, 6.5k one-shot. WHILE WE'RE ON THE TOPIC OF DIMENSION X. this one's about the aftermath!!! AND it has Mikey and Splinter bonding at 3am so I love it so so so dearly. Mikey struggles a lot with nightmares and insomnia after he gets stuck in Dimension X, and eventually opens up to Splinter about his time there and how LONG he was alone and gets some much-needed advice and love. good angst, good comfort, Splinter being a good dad, love love love this one. plus you get a free breakfast recipe! yay!

we'll burn them down -> 2012, 9k one-shot. OKAY LAST ONE ABOUT DIMENSION X I PROMISE. sunset duo focus-- Raph is the first one to figure out that something is off with Mikey, and he's gotta decide how to deal with it! Mikey gets to be a scary badass after surviving alone for so long, Raph gets to be a worried older brother, and Donnie,,,, gets to be there too i guess lmao like i said it's very much a sunset duo fic. enjoy the angst! the hurt/comfort! it's lovely!

empty canvas -> rottmnt, 43k words. I honestly don't remember a lot about this one, BUT Mikey basically takes Leo's place in the prison dimension after opening the portal to get him out?? very very angsty, lots of hurt Mikey! sadly it's unfinished (and it doesn't seem like it'll be updated anytime soon), but what's there definitely qualifies as Mikey angst if that's what you're looking for :) and ofc lots of worried older brothers, which I adore.

--and then ofc, I have a bunch of my own Mikey-centric fics here! I've really only written for Rise so far, but I'm dedicated to mikey angst o7

and like I said, I also have a whole collection on ao3 dedicated just to my favorite TMNT fics! there's genuinely SO MANY MORE I could recommend, but I tried to stick to ones that are older/don't have as many hits?? Kinda?

The rest of my recs would be in this collection! Most are Mikey-centric, but there's a few in there for the other boys too:

for my rottmnt hyperfix | Archive of Our Own

I should warn you though-- I didn't have my collection moderated originally, so people could add their own fics to the collection if they wanted! but then some weirdo Tc*ster ended up adding their shit to it, and I'm pretty sure there's at LEAST one tc*st fic in there somewhere. I've locked it down since then and don't allow outside contributions anymore, but you might wanna filter those tags out :( I contacted ao3 about removing those fics but I never heard anything back. just a warning!!

anyway. hopefully this is helpful for the, like, five people who ALSO feel like they've read every single Mikey fic in existence lmao

[whattimeisitfic]

Wanted to apologize for going like… essentially radio silent for the past month or so. I thought after I wrote my exams I’d feel a burst of motivation, but the second I fin died my last one, my brain just didn’t want to do anything anymore. Not to mention my Hazbin Hotel hyperfixation has really faded out since I first started writing my fic, and now every time I think about opening the document it just feels like a chore, and I put it off. So I told myself I’d wait until July, give myself teh est of the month as a break, then come back and start posting again…

And then on the 2nd of the month my dad was admitted into the hospital, and the doctors think he’s got MS. So now I’m stressed again, and thinking about how long it’s been since I’ve posted has really made me think I need to give some sort of update. I don’t want to be that person who abandons their work completely, but I guess, for lack of a better term, we’re going through it right now.

I’m seriously trying to work up the motivation to at LEAST get the next chapter up. I have it written, but it feels like every time I try to open it and edit, my brain turns off and doesn’t want to. I can’t even go to AO3 and open my comments because I’m afraid there’s going to be a bunch of unanswered ones there, or people wondering where I am, and like. U know. That stuff. So I don’t really know what’s going on right now, but please know I haven’t forgotten about my ducklings and I am trying.

Thanks for your understanding.

[campfam4lyfe]

Got any campfam aus or ideas in the works?

hey anon! I wouldn’t say I have any ideas in the works, because I have what I like to call commitment issues when it comes to writing fic.

This means that while I have an abundance of ideas, outlines, and wips in my Google docs for the fandoms I’ve been in. I’ve never actually finished a fic and posted it.

In fact, the only single time I have, (diff fandom!) I am not counting properly, because it was a collab with a close mutual, and a lot of the legwork was them. I had the initial plot bunny and was going to leave it as a one off tumblr post, but my mutual rlly liked the idea and we bounced drabbles and such back and forth. We wrote a bunch of snippets and put them together in a doc, until we had cohesive chapters, as we filled the empty spaces with more and more work, ending up to a total of 18 chapters. It took us a year and a half to post it, and that was mostly my fault, as where my mutual had finished most of their allotted sections, different hyperfixations kept pulling me to other unfinished works. This is why I won’t promise anything—I don’t want to disappoint anyone.

But, that being said. I do have ideas, hcs, and aus! One that is currently consuming me, was actually inspired by this one other post I saw recently. (When I find the post ima link it dw!) OP of the post was saying that there should be a Carmen Sandiego au for CC and I jumped on that SO fucking fast anon. I LOVE Carmen Sandiego, and have since it first aired when I was in HS.

So. Here’s some of the Carmen Sandiego au thoughts copy/pasted from my Google docs. (Yes I do always write out my outlines as if I’m taking to someone but that’s bc i sometimes end up sharing the doc link with some friends)

JWCC Carmen Sandiego AU:

Y’all know Kenlynn is my JAM and so is RedCrackle. So obvi I thought of mixing the two right? But here’s the thing. While I love Carmen/Gray, I am also in love with Carmen/Ivy and Carmen/Julia.

So with that in mind. Kenlynn is going to take a backseat for a second (meaning tho they'll become a thing and obvi they will bc they are a constant to me, theyre not the center of this), and my fave girls YASAMMY will be at the forefront of this au.

I’m thinking. Carmen Sammy. But I’m not entirely sure about whether or not that’s what I want? It could be argued that Sammy’s love for her family is a core driving force in her character, and Carmen doesn’t KNOW her family. But also—a huge plot point is that she’s looking for her mom. So. Tentative Carmen Sammy.

MANTAH CORP AS VILE MANTAH CORP AS V.I.L.E MANTAH CORP AS V.I.L.E

So I figure not everything is going to be one-to-one. This means I am placing Kenji in the role of Gray/Crackle. His story is going to be different tho, bc whereas Gray was a recruit, with MANTAH CORP AS V.I.L.E that means Daniel is already on the board. So kenji trying to make his dad proud? More likely than you think.

(I just wanted my Sammy&Kenji besties. Bestie betrayal can be just as good as romantic betrayal)

I’m sure you know where I’m going with this if we’re not going the redcrackle route. Thats right. YASMINA JULIA.

I considered at first, YASMINA CARMEN and SAMMY IVY, but in the end the need for Sammy Carmen was too great.

So I also considered Dave and Roxxie as Chase and Julia but, I decided to scrap that idea for now. You know me, at some point I might revamp most of the au anyways lol, now is not a time for fine tuning it’s just a tentative starting point.

Torn between DARIUS as Player or Brooklynn as Player. I considered Ben of course, but I think we need to put him on an island at some point—he needs a Bumpy, no matter the universe.

WAIT. REVISITING BEN AS PLAYER. BECAUSE DARIUS AND BRAND AS ZACK AND IVY. This means no Carmen/Ivy vibes but since we ditched the Gray/Carmen as well in this au I think it’s fine.

Ben still has to end up with Bumpy somehow tho? Original Ben plan, when Darius was a Player candidate, was Ben is also a V.I.L.E recruit.

V.I.L.E having a faction that deals with genetics and cloning (in addition to like. Kash and his robots) and ending up with a dinosaur—Bumpy! And that being Ben’s flip to the other side/Team Sammy. He defects and steals Bumpy on his way out.

Okay I’m a little too attached to that, so yeah. V.I.L.E recruit Ben, so Brooklynn as player??

Oh! She doesn’t have!!! IRL friends!! Brooklynn being an Internet famous vlogger as in canon. So we get that running gag of Sammy and Brooklynn always being in contact and Brooklynn being a big part of the heists through investigative work and such, yet she’s constantly on the other side of the globe? Sammy needs to be in Sydney but Brooklynn is in New Orleans. That kinda stuff.

Works with Brooklynn having traveled all over the world, she can also do those factoids player does—she’s got the deets.

Oh!???? THATS HOW WE GET MY FAVE DUO OF DINOSTAR BESTIES!!! They both love their facts. They’re nerds.

Mae as shadowsan? Tentatively?

Okay. Player Brooklynn. Except instead of being home most of the time, she’s usually on the go. She’s talked to kenji a few times during Sammy and Kenji’s V.I.L.E recruit era.

Kenji as the Gray of this au. he’s a V.I.L.E legacy. he became friends with sammy his recruitment year, and he'd talked to brooklynn a few times, due to sammy introducing them because kenji was curious about whether or not sammy has friends in the outside world, and sammy noticing brooklynn feeling a little left out/jealous that sammy had friends she was hanging with in person rather than over a phone call.

kenlynn kenlynn kenlynn

does he recognize her voice from her vlogs? does he even watch them? i dont think hed be a brooklander, guys got a lot on his plate and thats impressing his dad

ben is a V.I.L.E. recruit. maybe a bit of mime bomb, in that he was. not as close? with the other recruits. i do think having ben come in as a recruit the year sammy defects would be cool tho. so he doesn't know her as "black sheep" or whatever code name V.I.L.E refers to her as. he'll first meet her as Sammy.

yaz as JULIA!!!!! a junior agent? a former athlete. trying to make it make sense, but i think it fits.

omg. yaz. is alex rider basically holy shit

was thinking of dave as chase, and decided that i was going to keep it.

roxxie as the Chief.

mae as shadowsan.

yes. it IS because i want a roxxie/mae/dave love triangle and that need's final form was ot3

DARIUS AND BRAND AS ZACK AND IVY. i dont want their mom to be dead. but i dont know WHAT happened to her and why theyre involved in this life of crime? i love the og carmen&ivy&zack meeting. and i love that they were involved with racing. trying to find a way to incorporate it and make it make sense

important question.....is darius and his dad's great shared love still dinosaurs?

OR IS IT CARS? RACING?????? BRAND BEING INVOLVED IN THE RACES BC IT WAS IMPORTANT TO DARIUS AND THEIR DAD AND DARIUS CANT DRIVE YET

AND. SAMMY. AS CARMEN!!!!!!

okay so carmen's dad was a former V.I.L.E. agent who left it all behind for the woman he fell in love with right? well. obvi this au isnt a one to one. like there clearly have been changes in characters and dynamics. but i think involving elements from this could work. lemme map it out to make sense

okay so in cc sammy spies for mantah corp despite her parents not wanting her to. meanwhie carmen's dad defects from V.I.L.E., i think shadowsan was there and so was the chief and he dies.

okay so--sammy's dad was a V.I.L.E. agent, fell in love, defected. V.I.L.E. catches up with him, and does A.C.M.E. and in the fallout, the house collapses. A fire? an explosion? they think sammy died. (im not killing off sammy's dad bc damnit she needs a happy ending)

yaz losing faith in the system and having her hot girl summer being romanced by the pretty thief she's supposed to be catching

ben ditches VILE/Mantah Corp with Bumpy and meets Darius at some point--oh!!!

mae/shadowsan joins Team Sammy at the end of s1 i think? okay, so, when she joins, she brings ben, a fresh defector with her.

obvi ben left after he stole bumpy from them

at some point during their occasional talks, kenlynn became friendly with each other. then The Train scene happens. and kenji is promptly deemed a disappointment and dealt with the way gray is.

brooklynn ends up coming across a memory-wiped kenji during one of her vlogs. he doesnt know he knows her, just that something about her voice seems familiar.

brooklynn brings it up and the other are Concerned but also have a lot on their plate rn/dont truly trust him again or are unclear on whether or not they should. darius/brand bc their experiences havent been good so far, and sammy doesnt want to risk them. but he was still one of her first friends. shes torn

brooklynn making contact with him. smth smth she ends up needing a camera man for one of her vlogs and kenji volunteers. they grow closer during her sporadic visits. he asks her out.

DANIEL KON HAS ENTERED THE CHAT. SAMMY NEEDS BROOKLYNN TO DO HER THING. SHE MISSES THE DATE.

Meanwhile, that entire interactive ep??? of carmen sandiego with the julia/carmen??? THAT. THAT HAPPENS. YASAMMY DANCE AND WE GET THAT SCENE YOU KNOW THE ONE

[justagalwhowrites]

Lavender - Ch. 5

You and Joel figure out where you go from here. Continuation of chapters 1-4 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Length: 5.8k

Warnings: SMUTTTTTT- Oral sex, f. receiving; unprotected p in v (be smart peeps). No use of Y/N. Minors DNI

A/N: I've been writing on this fic like a mad woman and probably will be for a hot minute, so expect fairly regular updates for a bit! Hope you're enjoying the fruits of my hyperfixation because dammit someone has to :)

Well, you hadn’t expected that. 

You hung your purse on the hook by the door, set your milkshake on your side table and stepped out of your wedges, leaving them by your front door. Joel hovered awkwardly near your couch, looking around your apartment. You hadn’t expected to run into him tonight. Certainly hadn’t expected him to punch his brother in the face in front of your date. Definitely hadn’t expected to find him sitting outside your front door when you got home from said date. 

“You got unpacked quick,” he said, nodding, his hands in his pockets. “Looks nice.” 

“Shut up, Joel,” you glared at him, locking your door. “What are you doing here?” 

“That’s a good question,” he said, standing on the other side of the couch from you. You were grateful for it. It felt like you needed something substantial between you. He didn’t say anything else. You sighed. 

“I’d offer you a beer but I don’t think you should be dinking anything else tonight,” you crossed your arms. You felt oddly exposed in this dress. He was the only man who’d ever seen you naked, it’s not like what was on display now was anything new to him. But right now, it was like you had no protection from his gaze whatsoever. He could see right through you. 

“Probably right.” 

He was just looking at you, his eyes dark and deep. 

“I’m not going to fuck you again, Joel,” you said. “So if that’s why you’re here, you can just go home.” 

“No,” he shook his head quickly. “That’s not… you really think… No, that’s not why I’m here, Kid.” 

“OK,” you said, still waiting for him to give you some kind of explanation as to why he was outside your door at one in the morning. After a moment, you sighed. “Look, it’s late. I’ve had a long day. I’m tired. If you don’t know why you’re here, why don’t you just save us both the trouble and put this in the box of things we pretend never happened and move on with our night, alright?” 

“I can’t do this, Kid.” He said it quickly, like he couldn’t hold it in anymore. You blinked for a second. 

“Can’t do what, Joel?” 

“This,” he said, gesturing to the space between the two of you. "I can’t…” 

You stared at him for a moment, tears welling up in your eyes before you could do anything about it. 

“Are you firing me?” You asked, voice cracking. “Because if you are, that’s a really shitty thing to do. And don’t expect me to just leave the whole fucking city for you, I’ve got one year of school left, you’re just going to have to deal with the possibility of bumping into me now and then…” 

“No,” he said quietly. “No, not firing you.” 

“Then what?” You asked. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. 

“For what?” 

“All of it,” he said. “Sorry for touchin’ you to begin with…” 

“Joel,” you sighed. 

“Lemme finish,” he cut you off. “Because I am sorry for touchin’ you. But I don’t regret it. I’ve tried to and I can’t.” 

“Why?” You were standing against the back of your couch now, like you were trying to get as close to him as you could with the obstacle between you. 

“Because I can’t regret something that feels as good and right as you do,” he said. He sounded almost pained.

“You didn’t call me,” you said softly, fingers gripping the back of the couch. “You just ignored me. For weeks, Joel. Weeks. It’s not like you don’t have my number or don’t know where I live. It sure seems like you regret it.” 

“I’m sorry for that,” he said. “I was… Well, I was trying to do the right thing. What I thought was the right thing. But I can’t anymore.” 

“What do you think is the right thing?” You asked. 

“The right thing - short of being able to take back that night - is to let you go,” he said quietly. “You’re too young to get all tied up with me. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you and you’re probably the smartest goddamn person I’ve ever met, I’ll just hold you back. I’ve fucked up a lot in my life, Kid. A whole lot. I’ve done some shitty things to people. You’d be a lot better off without me.” 

“You just get to make that decision for me?” You asked, brows raised. “Don’t even ask my opinion on the subject, just make choices on my behalf? Seems fair…” 

“You’re young…” he began, but you cut him off. 

“So I don’t know better?” You asked. “I’m old enough for you to fuck but not old enough to make decisions about it?” 

“That’s not what I said,” he growled. 

“Sure seemed like that’s what you said,” you snapped. 

He paused, taking a deep breath. 

“I’m just tryin’ to look out for you,” he said. “I don’t want to be some mistake you made in college. And I sure as shit don’t want to be the thing that fucks your life up. I’ve already been that, I’m not doing that with you.” 

“Then let me make my own fucking choices,” you said. “If you think I’m so damn smart let me use my brain. I’m not exactly all sunshine and roses, Miller. There’s plenty you don’t know about me that make it so I’m not exactly a dream to deal with…” 

“Besides all that,” he cut you off. “There’s Sarah.” 

“Do you really think I’d hurt your daughter, Joel?” You asked, tone softening.

“Of course not,” he said. “But… I’ve purposely kept that part of my life separate from her. Not that I’ve dated much since her mom left but she’s never met any of them. That’s on purpose. I don’t want people comin’ and goin’ from her life, she’s already had enough of that with her mom. She already knows you. If shit doesn’t work out, what then?” 

“I wouldn’t just abandon her,” you said. “I love Sarah. She’s like a sister to me. What happens with you and me doesn’t change that. I thought the fact that I’ve showed up at your house every day for the past week made that pretty damn clear.” 

You just stood there, looking at each other for a moment. 

“What is it you want, Joel?” You asked. “Stop coming up with excuses and reasons why or why not. What is it that you want.” 

“You,” he said. “Even with all the other shit, I can’t stop wanting you. I don’t care that it’s not the right thing to do, I don’t want to try to stay away from you anymore. So long as you’ll let me be around you.” 

“And if you change your mind?” You asked, voice cracking. “You’re going to, what, basically call me a whore again? Try to make me cry in front of your brother?” 

“No,” he shook his head, coming around the couch and reaching for you. You startled but stayed put, his hand - knuckles raw - cupping your cheek gently. His hands were callused and rough and gentle. “I shouldn’t have done that. That was… it was fuckin’ awful is what it was. I couldn’t handle being that close to you, not when you looked like that and you were with some guy. I was tryin’ to make you leave because I couldn’t make myself leave you.” 

“You were an asshole,” you said softly. You stepped closer to him anyway. 

“I was an asshole,” he nodded. His eyes were soft, wide, open. You leaned into him, stretching up to press your lips to his. 

It was gentle at first, his kiss soft and undemanding. Like he was happy you were willing to kiss him at all, like he didn’t want to ask anything more of you. But you wanted more, your lips growing more insistent, pressing your body against his. 

“You said you weren’t going to fuck me again,” he said softly. 

“Shut up, Joel.” 

You led him to your bedroom, kissing him the whole way. His hands ranged over your body, skimming over the smooth fabric of your dress, finding the straps and sliding them down your arms. You shrugged out of them, the material pooling around your waist. His hands went to your breasts, cupping them over your strapless bra, his fingers sinking into your flesh and making you groan. 

“We don’t need to do anything, Baby,” Joel said quietly. 

“It’s almost like you don’t want to fuck me,” you glared at him. “Will you stop trying to talk me out of it?” 

“I just don’t want to fuck this up,” he said. “I’d rather never fuck you again than ruin this.” 

“Well, that’s just not going to work for me,” you breathed, pulling yourself tightly against him. “Take off your pants, Miller.” 

He smiled. 

“Yes ma’am.” 

Joel obediently stripped down, sliding his pants to the floor and pulling his t-shirt over his head before reaching around behind you and unhooking your bra. He reverently pulled it from you, exposing your breasts, the brush of his fingers on your skin making your nipples harden. 

“You’re so fuckin’ pretty,” he breathed, gently pushing you onto the bed and nudging your shoulders back so you were lying down. He climbed on top of you, kissing you, working his way from your lips to your neck to your breasts. Down, down, down, until he reached your belly button, where your dress lay. He looped his fingers through the fabric and tugged the dress and your panties down your body, leaving it all on the floor so you were bare in front of him. 

He gently opened your legs for him. You could feel his breath on you, too embarrassed to actually look down and see him between your thighs. His thumb traced your slit. 

“Anyone ever eaten this pretty little pussy?” He asked. 

“No,” you managed, surprised the sound even made it past the knot in your throat. 

“Shame,” he said, pressing his lips to your clit, making you gasp. “A damn shame.” 

He dipped his tongue into your slit and you resisted the urge to squirm, the feel of him heady and intense. He lapped up your wetness before teasing your clit, giving you long and leisurely strokes, pressing harder against you each time. After a while, he slipped his tongue lower, pressing his nose into your clit and his tongue into your core, driving deep into you. 

“Fuck,” your fingers twisted in your quilt, gasping for breath. It seemed to just drive him, his tongue working you open, pressing into your walls, his fingers gripping your thighs. “Joel…” 

He pulled his tongue from you and replaced it with two of his fingers, making you groan. 

“Such a fucking perfect pussy,” he growled, his lips going to your clit while his fingers worked your cunt. He kissed and sucked you, tongue stroking the sensitive nub, your body tightening with need. “Come on, Baby,” his voice was muffled by your pussy. “Cum for me, don’t be shy.” 

You obeyed with a strangled moan, pulsing around his fingers. You felt him smile against you, planting a final kiss against your slit as your orgasm faded. 

“Good girl,” he said, wiping his mouth on the back of his hand before he kissed up your body until his mouth was against yours. He pulled back from you, his eyes searching your own. He brushed your hair back, fingers twisting in it. You could feel his whole body against yours, tall and broad and hard. And you wanted all of him. 

“Tell me if you want me to stop,” he whispered. 

“I trust you,” you said softly. He lowered his lips to yours, kissing you gently. He tasted like beer and yourself and you drew his tongue into your mouth, wanting more of him inside you. His fingers lightly traced your slit, still tender from your last orgasm. He collected some of your wetness and brought his thick, hard length to you, covering himself in you before pressing his head against your entrance. He pulled his lips back from yours, his nose brushing against your own, his gaze holding your own and he pushed into you. You whimpered, body tensing around his intrusion. He froze, just his head inside you. 

“I want you,” you breathed, one of your hands finding his shaggy, slightly curly hair. “It’s OK, you won’t hurt me.” 

He pushed into you again, your body opening for him. He groaned, breath heavy. 

“You’re so fuckin’ tight Baby,” he panted. “Feel so goddamn good… Just relax for me, let me inside you.” 

You moaned and tried your best to obey, Joel pressing into you harder. It was like something in your body gave out, making space for him, and he slid home within you, his cock head pressed against your back wall. 

“Jesus Christ,” he panted against you. “You’re incredible…” 

You rocked your hips below him, making his forehead drop to your own, your walls gripping him tight. 

“I’m going to move Baby,” he managed. “Have to move, won’t last if I don’t… Tell me…” 

“You won’t hurt me, Joel,” you whispered, voice shaky. “I trust you.” 

He kissed you, lips lingering on you for a moment, before he pulled back from you, half of him leaving you before thrusting in again with a satisfied grunt. 

He gradually picked up his pace, filling you and pulling back from you, pressing into you and making you feel so full, so complete, before leaving you empty and wanting. The force of him, like he was trying to climb inside your skin, almost hurt but you wanted it - needed it. Needed him to want you, be desperate for you. It was the only thing that made it safe to want him as badly as you did. 

Your body tightened around him, gripping him tighter, holding him close and making it so you gave him pleading little pants when he withdrew from you. 

“What do you need, Baby?” He said through gritted teeth. “Want you to cum again, what do you need?” 

“Need to feel you cum,” you gasped. “Please, want to cum with you…” 

He kissed you again, pressing into you harder, like he was going to break you in two. You didn’t care, anything to be full of him. He pulled his lips from yours. 

“Fuck, Baby, going to cum…” he gasped it out. “Feel so damn good, making me…” 

He throbbed inside you with a strangled moan, his pulsing sending you over the edge, making your walls flutter around him as he collapsed on top of you. You could feel him spilling into you, all his heat and wetness mixing with your own. You tried to memorize everything you could about that moment, wanting to hold onto the feeling. So full of him, utterly satisfied and whole. He lay inside you for a moment before lifting from you just enough to kiss you gently, pulling himself from you body, his cum and yours leaking from your overwrought slit. 

“Stay here,” he said, still breathing heavily, kissing your forehead. He disappeared for a moment before coming back with a warm, damp washcloth. He reached between your legs and cleaned you gently before draping the cloth on your metal footboard and lying beside you. “Don’t want to make a mess of your pretty blanket.” 

You rolled onto your side so you could see him, look at his face, into his eyes. His hand ran gently over your skin, fingers tracing your ribs. 

“Much prefer this version of you to the asshole at the bar,” you half smiled at him. “Just for the record.”

“I’m ever an asshole like that again, smack me.”

You laughed a little. 

“I’d rather you just not be an asshole like that again,” you said. “Besides, I can’t take you in a fight.” 

“I’ll do my best,” he said, tugging your body against him. “And Tommy can, he’ll happily punch me for you.” 

You frowned, amazed you’d somehow forgotten the ridiculous display at the bar since he’d come to your apartment.

“Why did you punch Tommy?” You asked. Joel winced. 

“He… may have figured it out,” he said. 

“Figured what out.” 

“That you and me…” 

“Oh no,” your head fell to his chest. Joel laughed and pressed his lips into your hair. “What happened? Why’d that make you punch him?” 

“He accused me of takin’ advantage,” he said. “Which I probably deserved. But still, pissed me off. He knows better than that.” 

“Hope you apologized,” you said, snuggling closer to him. 

“I did,” his arms went around you. “Not sure he deserved it, but… Told me I needed to get my shit together with you. Either get over you or get you.” 

“Smart man.” 

“Don’t tell him that,” Joel muttered. You laughed. 

“What are we going to do?” You asked softly. You didn’t want to ask it. You’d have been happier sitting there, in his arms, pretending that nothing existed outside your bedroom door. But you weren’t going to let what happened last time happen again. He wasn’t going to just decide things for you, not this time. 

“Tommy has a good idea now,” he sighed. “Which is just about all my people ‘cept Sarah.” 

“You need a social life,” you smiled. 

“You’re gonna have to break it off with Brad,” he said, a teasing edge to his voice. “Can’t have him calling you his girl…” 

“Well that kinda crashed and burned when I tried to chase my boss out of a bar after he punched his brother in the face,” you said wryly. He pulled back from you to examine your face. “What? He was nice about it but definitely acted weird the rest of the night. Don’t think he’ll be calling back.” 

He pulled you back against him. 

“Didn’t mean to fuck up your date,” he said into your hair. You scoffed. 

“I don’t think you’re the least bit upset about fucking up my date.” 

“You’re right,” he laughed. “I’m not.” 

You were both quiet for a minute. 

“What about Sarah?” You said softly. Joel sighed. 

“I figure,” he kissed the top of your head, stroking your hair. “We can see what happens for a bit. You can hang around a bit more, if you want, and I’ll keep my hands to myself. Once we have an idea then…” 

You nodded into his chest. 

“We’re gonna figure it out,” he said quietly. “Not just letting you go again.” 

“Good,” you whispered into his chest. “Don’t want you to.” 

***

Joel really liked being in your bed. Your whole apartment was a bit like just existing within you. Everything smelled a bit like you. Everything was soft and lovely, nothing there just because it had a purpose. You’d done something with it to make it pretty, nicer to be around. Your desk was beat up but you’d painted little flowers over the gouges in the wood. A dish you had on your bedside table to hold rings had broken at some point. You’d fixed it and painted the crack gold. You just made everything around you better, taking it for what it was and adding your own brilliance to it. 

You were still unconscious in his arms, breathing slow and steady. You’d never gotten around to taking your makeup off the night before and there was a smear of mascara below your eyes. 

Part of him couldn’t believe he was actually with you. It felt right. Good. Like shit was going the way it was supposed to go because you were with him. 

He’d felt a shadow of it when you’d been living with him. Going through the world with you - having dinner, helping Sarah with her homework, watching movies - was the way it was always meant to work. Like he’d been wandering around without a limb most of his life and didn’t even know it was missing until you showed up with it. 

He couldn’t help but picture what life with you would be. You coming home to his house every day, you reading in his bed, you painting little flowers on the broken things in his life. You grading papers at the kitchen table while Sarah did her homework, Joel cooking something that wouldn’t hold a candle to what you could make but you’d smile and thank him for doing it. Swimming naked in the pool when Sarah was at a friend’s place for the night. Holding your hand at the movies when you and Sarah dragged him to whatever stupid rom-com had come out recently. He wanted it. All of it. His whole body hurt for wanting it. 

Your lips brushed his chest and you stretched your legs out with a contented sigh. 

“Morning,” he said softly. You just groaned in response, burrowing closer to him. 

“Saturdays are for sleep,” you said, eyes still closed. “And coffee. And waffles.” Your arm went over his side and you hooked your leg over his hip, tugging yourself closer, the core of you brushing against him. Your eyes fluttered open. “Or that. Saturdays could be for that.” 

You stretched up, lazily kissing him as he lined himself up against you and gently, slowly eased into your soft, tight heat. He moaned into your mouth at the feel of you. Fuck, you felt incredible. You were so goddamn tight it was like inside you existed just for him, there wasn’t space for anything else. Your walls were like velvet, so warm and wet for him, holding him deep inside you. This was where he was supposed to be, he’d never been so sure of anything in his life. 

He made love to you slow and sweet and soft, learning your body as he did. Just where to touch you to make you moan into him, when to press deep inside you to make you come apart around him, that you were getting close when your fingers dug into his back. He came with you the third time you came around him, emptying himself into you. You clung to him as he did, holding his body against yours, his cock deep inside you, as deep as he could possibly reach, pressed against all of your inner walls. Like you wanted to take all of him, every part of him. He stayed deep inside you until you both came back down to Earth, holding each other close, so close it was like you were just one person instead of two. He liked it that way. 

“Oh my God,” you yelped from the bathroom as Joel rifled through your fridge. You leaned into the kitchen. “You actually had sex with me when I looked like this?” You pointed to your mascara-streaked face. He shrugged. 

“You’re just my sexy little raccoon,” he smiled.

“You’re insane,” you shook your head, going back to the bathroom. “Must be in love with me or something, only explanation….” 

You said it in a teasing way but, to him, it wasn’t a joke. He was. He’d been pretty damn sure of it before but after last night, he knew it. It was just a fact now, like gravity or the color of the sky. He was held to the Earth, the sky was blue and he was in love with you. Simple. 

You sat on the couch in your robe, hair in wet tendrils hanging down your back, eating the food Joel was able to figure out in your kitchen. 

“I need to get a table,” you sighed, a blueberry in your fingers, looking at the nook off your small kitchen. “The last place had a breakfast bar so I didn’t need one. I need to stop eating on my couch.” 

“Then let’s go get you a table,” Joel shrugged. “Where’d you want to go?” 

“You seriously want to go furniture shopping with me,” you said, eyebrows raised. He shrugged again. “My plan was to go garage sale-ing for it eventually, I doubt it’ll be your cup of tea, Miller.” 

“Well, you’ll be there,” he said. “And I don’t need to pick up Sarah until four. So it sounds like a perfect day to me.” 

You smiled - it was a huge smile, like his agreeing to go to garage sales with you made your whole fucking week - and practically jumped off the couch. 

“OK, I just need…” you thought for a second. “Like 20 minutes. Then we can go.” You all but ran to your bedroom before stopping and looking back at him for a moment. 

“What?” He asked, watching you. 

“Nothing,” you smiled again, disappearing into your room. 

You put on some of your cut off shorts and a shirt that Joel had thought of in the shower more times than he cared to admit, your tits plush and full and showing just enough that he couldn’t help but think of what holding them would feel like. There were ribbons on your braids. He drove and you directed him to the coffee shop he’d first met you at. You got a coffee and grabbed the newspaper from a nearby table, flipping to the classifieds. 

“You have to have a plan of attack,” you said, sipping your frilly drink, looking through the list of addresses in the classifieds. “Ha! Jackpot.” You showed him a listing. “It’s a neighborhood sale, there’s going to be like 100 houses there with stuff out. Even getting a late start, chances of finding stuff is pretty good…” 

“You garage sale often?” He asked, watching as you took some notes. 

“My grandma didn’t have much money,” you shrugged, looking at the listings again. “So most of our stuff was second hand. Lots of Goodwill and garage sales and making it ourselves. She’s great at making clothes and stuff, I never got the hang of that. I’m the painter in the family… this one sounds promising too.” 

Joel followed your directions as you looked out the window at the sales, stopping when commanded, happy to be at your beck and call. You turned down one table he thought was a good option (“Seriously? They want $75 for that? No way.”) and another that you seemed happier with but wasn’t quite enough to pull the trigger on (“it’s just… not right. We’ll find something better.”) You ended up falling in love with a small, wooden set that Joel was very skeptical of. It was sturdy enough, but was covered in grime and the wood had been beaten up through the years. But you were in love. 

“If I strip it and paint it?” You gazed at the table lovingly. “It’ll be perfect.” 

It was just $15 for the set - the owners eager to see it go now that it was noon and no one else had shown interest - and Joel insisted on paying for it and loading it into the bed of his truck. 

He took you to the waffle place, you holding his hand and leading him to the booth in the back corner, your fingers still laced with his over the table as you ordered your frilly coffee, Luce giving him a look that said ‘about damn time’ while you were reading the menu. You looked so damn happy. He didn’t think he’d ever made anyone that damn happy and all it took for you were some garage sales and waffles. But it didn’t matter what it took. He already knew he’d do anything to make you smile like that. 

He insisted the table come to his house (“Where the hell are you gonna strip and paint a table in that little apartment of yours?”) and dropped you at your apartment, walking you upstairs and stopping at the door, something he hadn’t done since he was more than a decade younger and dating his ex. 

“Never looked forward to a Monday more,” he said, his hand going around to the back of your neck. You smiled. 

“Me either,” you said. “But my boss is pretty cool.” 

He laughed, kissing you. 

“I’ll call you,” he said. “Once Sarah’s in bed.” 

“I’ll be waiting by the phone.” 

It was easy with you, immediately easy. You started coming over closer to seven in the morning so you’d have a few minutes alone with Joel while Sarah was occupied getting ready for the day. You stayed for dinner most days and even stayed to watch a movie a few nights a week when Sarah went to bed, Joel kissing you on the couch and feeling you up like you were fucking teenagers. When Sarah spent the night at a friend’s house, he’d come over to your place and sleep in your bed, surrounded by the things you made beautiful. You’d even been right about the table. You’d thoroughly cleaned it and painted it white and - with Sarah’s help - had painted little flowering vines up the legs and around the outside edge. You had a vision for the broken things you found and loved. Probably why Joel fell into you as easily as he did. 

It was halfway through the summer and he'd just been trying to decide how to talk to Sarah about you when you stayed over to watch “Alien” after Sarah went to bed. 

“Can’t believe you’ve never seen this,” he shook his head, putting the movie in the VCR. 

“Can’t believe you think we’re actually going to watch it,” you teased him. He glared at you. 

“Just for that I should make you pay attention,” he said, sitting next to you on the couch. You moved into your place beside him, tucking against his side, your head on his chest, his arm over you. 

“Don’t think it’s me who has the problem paying attention, Miller,” you teased. You’d worn one of your sundresses that day. But the damn things had gone from the bane of Joel’s existence to one of his favorite things in the world. Getting to look at you, knowing he could slip his fingers under your skirt and into your pussy in just seconds, the way your cleavage rose and fell at the top when you breathed… his favorite fucking thing. He only made it about 15 minutes into the movie before he started kissing you, laying you down on the couch and sliding between your legs, his mouth on yours, tongue dipping into your mouth, grinding on your hips. 

“Hey Dad?” Sarah shuffled into the room, rubbing her eyes. Eyes that went wide the second she saw you and her dad on the couch. “Oh ew! Ugh!” 

Joel scrambled back from you and you frantically straightened your dress, making sure everything was covered as Sarah all but ran back to her bedroom. 

“Shit,” Joel sighed. 

“That could have gone better,” you looked at him. “Want to talk to her alone or want me to go with you?” 

“I’ll do it,” he sighed. “At least for now…” 

Sarah had closed the door to her room and Joel sighed before knocking. 

“What?” She said, sniffling a bit. 

“Can I talk to you?” He asked. 

“Why?” She said. “You’ll just do whatever you want anyway.” 

He sighed. She sighed, too. 

“Fine. Come in.” 

She was under the covers, arms crossed, flat on her back, glaring angrily at the ceiling. 

“You seem upset,” he said, sitting on the edge of her bed. She just glared at him before going back to glaring at the ceiling. “Want to talk about it?” 

“No,” she sniffed. Joel sat there silently for a moment before she sighed. “Why’d you have to pick her?” 

“What do you mean?” He frowned, looking down at his daughter. “I thought you liked her.” 

“I LOVE her,” she said. 

“Good,” he said. “I do, too.” 

“She’s MY friend, Dad,” she sat up. “What if you guys fight? Or break up? What if she won’t be my friend anymore? What if she doesn’t love me anymore?” 

“That’s not going to happen, kiddo,” he said, she opened her mouth to protest but he gave her a look so she let him finish. “We talked about that a lot when we first started seeing each other. No matter what happens with us, you’re priority number one. She’ll still be there for you, even if we don’t work out. We both love you.” 

“Yeah?” She asked. 

“You can go ask her yourself if you want,” Joel shrugged. She looked skeptical but got out of bed and went to the living room. You were curled up in a corner of the couch and you smiled at them when they came in. 

“Hey girlie,” you said. “Mad at me?” 

“Yeah,” Sarah sniffed. 

“Want to tell me about it?” You asked. Sarah sat next to you on the couch. 

“Promise you’re not going to just leave me if you and my dad break up?” She said. 

“Cross my heart, hope to die, all that jazz,” you smiled. You smoothed her hair back and she sighed, leaning on your shoulder. “You’re pretty much my favorite person in the world, kiddo. Half the appeal of dating your dad is getting to hang out with you more. I’m not going to let something stupid like a break up ruin that.”  

She laughed. 

“You’re still going to hang out with me?” She asked. 

“Heck yeah,” you put your arm around her. “None of that will change. Just might see me a bit more now that you’re in the loop.” 

Sarah’s nose crinkled. 

“Is this why I’ve been going to Uncle Tommy’s more?” She asked. You snorted. 

“Might have something to do with it,” Joel muttered. “Feeling better?” 

“I guess,” she sighed, sitting up from you. “But can y’all not make out in the living room anymore? That’s gross.” 

“Buy your own house, kid, then you can make the rules,” Joel said, jerking his head toward her room. “Bed, it’s already late.” 

“Ugh, y’all just want to be gross more don’t you,” she muttered, getting off the couch. 

“Yup,” Joel said. “Can’t do that with you in here so away with you.” 

She sulked toward her room, pausing at the door and looking back at the living room. 

“Love you guys,” she said. 

“Love you, too,” you smiled. 

“Love you, too,” Joel said. 

He took his place on the couch and you pressed against him, sighing contentedly. He looked down at you for a moment, remote in his hand. You were fucking perfect. Life with you was fucking perfect. 

He just knew something was going to fuck it up. 

[transbutchblues]

my hyperfixation on the locked tomb will be the death of me. i am now making a document with all relevant informations on tlt (according to me) for when i try to make theories. for now i’ve written down informations about the Houses, the Lyctors, and some characters (main information + name meanings. i love name meanings). now i need to compile information about the River and the Lyctoral Process. and to analyse some Edgar Allan Poe poems for Alecto, of course. then i think i might just make a chapter-by-chapter commentary of the series, with a color code to note which informations can be noticed on the first read, which ones can be noticed on the second read, which ones can be noticed once you’ve finished HtN, and which ones can only be noticed once you’ve finished NtN. and i’ll also probably write down all my unanswered questions. and some of my theories. i’m so fucking obsessed with tlt. (and none of my friends have read it yet. i’ve convinced one to start soon but even if they read gtn i won’t be able to infodump to them without spoilers until they’ve read everything. i can’t wait.)

[gimmickverse-fanfic]

Chapter One- Thunder

@intothegimmickverseofficial

The thunder crackled.

Even as they looked up, even as they saw the sky darken, even as they felt the rain pour on their body, through their skin, through their bones.

Neptune didn't move until Moon called for him to return to the house. It was getting late, and hyperthermia could easily set in at a time like this.

At least they weren't home alone. While Stanley and Chell joked about Identify's latest hyperfixation- and whether or not she would ever figure it out- Neptune was led to sit down.

Moon left to get Identify before trotting to her bedroom. Barely glancing back, Moon cast a quick scan of the room to find it in stable condition for now. A sight confused her and stalled her steps, but she quickly recovered and left again.

Though they weren't supposed to be home for a while, Jollibee was watching SCP Threats on the laptop, clicking away their fingers as though the world would shatter if they were any less than five hundred words per minute. Knowing their job, that might be a truer statement then it should be.

"Heya," Jollibee walked over to the SCP, "You're home early..." Pause, "What are you doing?"

"Writing a file." Turning around, SCP leaned back in their chair, raisng an eyebrow as Tesco ran out of the kitchen. "Why?"

"Why are you home so early?" Jollibee hadn't meant to sound so accusatory. SCP looked up and immediately turned the laptop off.

"Because I got sent back before the rain fell."

"Ah." There was silence for a short while, save for the fire crackling.

Barely a second later, Identify ran out and wrapped Neptune in a blanket. Jollibee let their eyes follow the footsteps.

"You shouldn't be out so late, and in the rain too!" Identify fussed, fluffing a pillow behind Neptune, "You should've been home HOURS ago!"

"Yeah, yeah," Neptune paused, "I was... distracted."

"Distracted doing what?" Stanley leaned in.

"Organ sacrifice." Neptune mused.

"Hey, that was AGES ago!"

"Still happened." Neptune laughed before turning back to Identify, leaving Chell to bully Stanley over the aforementioned organs.

"Well," Jollibee paused, "suppose I go check on Moon and Sun?" They went upstairs without another word, SCP failing to have the heart to tell them that Sun and Moon were not, in fact, upstairs.

Jollibee found Callisto in her room.

"Feeding your snake?" Jollibee sat down next to Callisto. Jollibee found their eyes taking a while to adjust.

"What?" She jumped. "Oh, no, that was an hour ago." Callisto looked dreadful, a dreary look making their eyes as dull as the walls in the gloom.

"But," Jollibee was cut off by the snake slithering around him, "Ah, should've known it's out."

Castillo didn't bother looking out the window again, staring at the snake curling around her friend. The stars twinkled behind them, making a picture perfect painting of reality's darkness.

Even as they talked, as the snake whispered, Tesco took Jollibee's place downstairs.

"I think you need to taste this for me," SCP said. They shoved the exquisite pasta bowl in their friend's direction.

Tesco blinked. "Um."

"What, you'd rather your deity be poisoned?" SCP laughed. They would never give up that joke and that was final, according to deadly amounts of their friends.

Of course not, SCP had many enemies so you could never be too careful. Tesco hesitantly took a mouthful, only to practically melt in satisfaction. "Oh my god." It was amazing. He caught himself. "I... I think it's fine."

"You should try a sip of the tea too," SCP said, tilting their head. "Just to be safe. Sit down." Pulling out a chair, Tesco accepted the warm tea with a smile.

It took Tesco slightly too long to realize that it was practically a date, with the foundationer feeding him delicacies off their plate.

Stanley turned away from the two, laughing about their idiocies with Chell.

"They're not the first to do that." Chell mused.

"Hmm?" Stanley was barely paying attention.

"They aren't the first to do that."

"Do what?" Stanley smiled, although she'd rather do anything else right now.

"Pretend they're friends while they fall head over heels for each other." Chell turned to look upstairs.

Stanley sighed. "What's your point?"

"My point is, you're slow in both speed and conversation. However, wisdom can chase you, and you're still faster. Makes you think."

"Thanks?" Stanley paused. "Waaaaait."

Chell was already running for the kitchen as Stanley sliced a knife out of her pocket and through the gap of Chell from three seconds ago. "Return, coward!" Stanley laughed.

Tinder watched Chell run into the kitchen while he took some muffins out of the oven. Earth could barely stop Chell from falling flat on her face before she was already up and running again, out of the door. The room erupted into laughter. Until...

The thunder crackled.

[steddieas-shegoes]

Trope rating game

tagged by @just-my-latest-hyperfixation (my wife must be trying to kinkshame me or something that's okay I'm into it)

rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic? -10 -> very dissuaded  0 - don’t care either way  +10 -> very enticed  nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged.  Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional.

Age gap: +3

It definitely isn't a make or break for me, but sometimes when I'm on the cusp of not clicking something and I see it, especially with certain authors, the temptation is too good to ignore.

Codependency: +5

It's about the toxic love for me. They just NEED each other SO MUCH.

Obsession/Possessiveness, jealousy: + 7

There are the occasional times when the obsessive/possession is too much, but it is RARE at this point. The more "you're mine, I'm yours" there is the better to meeeee.

Opposites (grumpy/sunshine etc): +4

I like it as a background feature most of the time (said as if my most popular written work didn't start as grumpy/sunshine based).

Enemies to lovers, Enemies with benefits: +10

I kiss every author who writes it on the MOUTH.

Friends with benefits: +5

I love it when it ends in requited feelings, but I have read it where it turns ugly and stays ugly and I do not ever wanna read that! Please! I'm a big baby.

Sex to feelings: +6

See above pretty much. But also in cases where they were just a hookup and then just fall in love quickly? That's my kryptonite.

Fake dating/relationship: +4

I am alllll for fake dating/relationships, but it absolutely has to lead to the real deal. I can't be edged like that for it to just end. I especially love when it's slow burn for this, so if the slow burn tag isn't there, I may not click it.

Friends to lovers: +2

Something is broken in my brain that this doesn't get me hooked the way any other blank to lovers does.

Found Family: +8

I don't click on stuff BECAUSE of it alone, but it definitely does help with fics I'm on the fence about.

Hurt/Comfort: +10

Yes. I want them to hurt and then be so so comforted. Every time. All the time.

Love Triangle: -8

In any ship, I absolutely hate it. Just be brave and make them polyam instead.

Poly, open relationships: 0

I personally love Steddissy as far as polyam goes, but open relationships are super difficult for me to read. I know that works for a lot of people, but if it's a tag, I'm probably not reading that fic.

Mistaken/hidden identity: 0

For one shots, sure. Anything chaptered, I think it gets into unbelievable territory without very specific other tags with it and I have never seen one that hits the spot.

Monsterfucking: +10

Yeah well. No words necessary.

Pregnancy: 0

I'm never reading a story BECAUSE of the pregnancy tag, but it fits in some cases (the good omegaverse shit if ya know what I mean). I lived it, hated it, don't wanna read too much about it.

Second Chance: +3

I don't know that I have ever read a Steddie second chance fic, but I don't know if this particular trope would make me dive in.

Slowburn: +10

I loooooove a good slow burn. I will read just about anything if it's got a slow burn tag.

Soulmates: +7

Steddie is really the first ship where I was like all in for this trope, so if it's got this tag, I am so so in.

No pressure tags: @wormdebut @wynnyfryd @messessentialist @steves-strapcollection @starryeyedjanai @thefreakandthehair @scarcrossdlvrs @patchworkgargoyle @vecnuthy @corrodedbisexual @stobinesque @legitcookie @matchingbatbites @judasofsuburbia @sidekick-hero @spooky-stevie @inairbinad @simplebtromance @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog

[north-peach]

My second Star Wars fic is giving me gray hairs

RANDOMLY did a timeline because i needed to see what major events were happening and how the character was going to respond and at what level/age, right?

TURNS OUT it's a mess so I had to fudge this, outright just stick people's DOB places where it felt like it would fit, yeah?

I, trying to write, keep having to go back and fix/add/remove/change the timeline because things keep NOT ADDING UP??

Take Qui-Gon Jinn, the bastard. Had three (3) padawans, right? Feemor, Xanatos and Obi-Wan.

I don't have a DOB for Feemor or Xanatos, but I have the age Xanatos was when he Fell, enslaved Obi-Wan, did his bullshit in general and his death.

Fantastic, yes?

WRONG.

There's no room for Feemor, AT ALL??

Because we got dates for Dooku, for his padawanship and Knighting, for Rael Averross (not DOB, why would I need that???) and enough info that I can sus out a mostly accurate timeline for how all that went.

Qui-Gon ain't old enough to have raised another padawan to Knighthood before Xanatos and I have no idea where the extra ten years came from.

Hello, popular headcanon that Feemor's first Master died and Qui-Gon only had him for like 2-4 years.

Regardless, I now have to re-write the second chapter before I can even touch the 20k worth of random shit I have for chapters 3-6 because there's so much that keeps popping up.

This fic definitely gonna be my longest if the hyperfixation keeps up.

[scoundrels-in-love]

ok your turn: for the character game - the mashwood gang, and just to throw a wildcard in there, zazie!

Hiii Sav my darling, what good picks you have. <3

Nicholas D. Wolfwood already done here.

Vash the Stampede

Where to even start, Vash is one of the most complicated, layered characters I've gotten attached to. He gives me headache anytime I try to write him. He is soggy kitten, he is Heaven's wrath incarnate, he is my favorite loser, his swag is unmatched. He needs a smack and world's longest hug at the same time. Monster with the tenderest heart, human with sharpest teeth to sink in your soft hand, just so he wouldn't have to anticipate you wincing at the sight of him. I could go on, you get the gist.

Wolfwood and Meryl. There are some expansions of the polycule that I will read, courtesy of friends, but I am true to Mashwood at the end of the day.

Milly, LivRaz, Luida as family. And in some out of field, fanfic explorations - Zazie. I just think there's so much untapped potential there.

'98/BLR is not my Vash and is hardly Vash at all for most of the story. While I know that some of his lecherous ways were taken from early chapters of Trigun and adapted directly, manga did a lot better job overall balancing tone and energy of him. I don't want to have to keep in mind an essay why supposedly 'he's just faking it as means of another layer of self protection' while internally gagging at every second action of a character.

Vash coming home, finding that place and starting genuine journey of healing. Perhaps us getting us to see how much of it he'd need of it, actually. Can we get a therapist and psychiatrist up in this bitch (NML)?! But there is always fanfiction to make up for this!

Meryl Stryfe

My first impression of her was mixed, but as I purposefully decided to figure her out, I ended up understanding and at times, even identifying with her. Perhaps it was projection, perhaps I am right, but either way, I love her dearly now and think she's very important third piece of the themes that are central to Trigun. About humanity, guilt, choices we continiously make. She completes the Inhuman - made Inhuman through action - Human spectrum of it all and is a fascinating failure that picks herself up continiously, despite immeasurable grief to watch

Vash and Wolfwood. Comes as a bundle, do not separate. Now and then, might read about expanded polycule because of my friends, but I will always return to my roots. And sometimes, in crack-treated-seriously way: Knives or Zazie.

Milly. And Zazie. I think she and LivRaz could strike unusual, but precious friendship, too.

She is not the braincell of the group. She might hold it for brief moments, but then it slips through her very autistic hands and bounces off into new, distant direction. Also I think she hyperfixates on her job in any media as routine and also because it is much easier for her to write than speak. She is not good at people-ing, at all.

Having her trauma explored. This goes for all canons. We touch very briefly on Dragon's Nest impact or how she feels about letting Tonis go, but her grief and guilt is barely a fifth fiddle to Vash's central suffering in narrative. And I think it is so important and also amazing way to juxtaposition her, fresh to this, versus Vash's ancient, yet continiously piling guilt. And where they can comfort each other about this, where they can heal together and where their approaches differ. Perhaps in next season we can have her Julai guilt, about Roberto, about not killing Conrad for what he's done to Wolfwood, before he does all that to Vash, etc. Just... More of Meryl, I suppose?

Zazie the Beast

I want their gender. So badly. If I'd read Trimax as a teenager, I think I'd have imprinted on them so badly, their design is so highly fitting some of my OCs that I'd have made them a faceclaim and inspiration for sure. There is something so beautiful, tragic and haunting about a collective of minds coming together to protect, learn and grow as a person. They are a god in their own right.

In very unlikely, practically crack-treated-seriously way: Meryl.

Most of all, Meryl. But I think Vash and Wolfwood are fascinating options as well, particularly Vash.

I... Don't think I have one? But I do stand by my headcanon that they keep an eye on Meryl through the two years and onward, perhaps visit and bond with her. Also, we just need more of Zazie, always.

I am holding out hope for this to happen in TriStamp/TriGaze, but in Trimax, I wish they'd had a chance to speak with human (Meryl) or Vash about the transience and immortality, about being something beyond comprehension, yet becoming more and more human as time and engagement goes on. There are fascinating parallels to be had between them and Independents, as being that are practically gods clash and work together over the same shared space, dealing with the fleetingly lived humanity. I'd give so much for Meryl to become a sort of ambassador of the Wyrms and help create a better future for both them and humanity.

Give me a character?<3

[purefandomonium]

The Stubborn Player

Aaaaand I went and made another alternate version of Glitchy Red because why not? This isn't gonna end up like Connection, but I do have a few parts written so far. Ideally, I think it'll only be maybe 5-8 chapters long. This one will take more of a supernatural spin on it, and I wrote it using second-person POV, something I almost never do but have been meaning to work on. So yeah, this is just a little experiment. The file name is literally "stubborn player" because I haven't even come up with a title. It's also not meant to be taken too seriously. Honestly it's more of a gag because I got bored and needed to take a break from Connection, although I'm finally recovered from my injury enough that I can type again so I'll be posting more chapters at some point soon.

Red in this version is more sinister than usual (because that seems to be the easiest way for me to write him) and like some headcanons I posted a while ago, he thoroughly enjoys tormenting players. Keep an eye out for another headcanon list for this version because he is a bit different from the last alternate one I came up with. I'll probably post it this weekend, or the next if I don't get the time.

Can you tell I have a hyperfixation?

Writing below the cut.

What appear to be simple glitches in a barely-running game soon reveal themselves to be much more than that. The game, or rather, the main character of the game, is sentient. Sapient, even. Despite the murkiness surrounding his existence, one thing is very clear:

RED does not appreciate being treated like a puppet.

“This isn’t real,” you mumble in disbelief as the game refuses to turn off. You spend several seconds flipping the switch on and off to no avail. You’re rewarded with a firm ‘NO’ for your troubles.

Fine. Bastard can’t do anything if he’s not booted into a console, right?

Much to your dismay, the cart can’t—won’t—let you remove it. RED’s sprite remains in the overworld, smugness leaking through the pixels.

You’re not getting rid of me that easily, the text box reads.

You aren’t one to turn down a challenge. You go find the hammer.

------

Two hours. Two hours, multiple household tools, three knives, your car and a firearm later leave you with a totally undamaged—albeit irritated—Game Boy with Pokemon Red loaded into it.

The only thing that receives any damage is your neighborhood reputation when a few busybodies spot you in your yard, taking angry potshots at a children’s toy.

So you sit on your bed having a one-sided stare-down with said toy as you debate what to do next.

What’s wrong? If you’re so desperate to be rid of me, why not give me away to some other asshole?

“Because that’d be such a waste of three weeks and twenty dollars,” you reply, arms crossed. “And that’s not even taking into account the surprise shipping fee.”

You have sharp eyes, RED states suddenly.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

You’re not like the others.

You aren’t afraid of me. You’re stubborn.

You look like you’ll be fun to break.

Only then do you fully register the comment about your eyes and wonder how the hell he can see you.

The only logical thing to do is flip him off.

Weeks went by with you trying—and failing—to destroy the game. It’s become a strange obsession, you being so determined to wipe the smug bastard’s hard drive. When you run out of ideas you decided to chuck him into the basement closet. He can sit there and rot in all his stubborn glory. You could pawn him off to some more sensible sucker, but really, it’s all about getting the last laugh.

You don’t find it so funny when you awaken the next morning to find him leaning over you, face right in yours.

Out of reflex you swing. It phases right through him and his evil smirk. Wasting no time in scrambling out of bed and backing into the opposite wall, you glare at him.

“The hell?”

“Did you really think I’d let you forget about me? I’ve had enough of that to last several lifetimes…”

His voice is tinny and unnatural, clipping in and out and pushed beneath a layer of static. It’s fitting for something as broken as he is.

A stray book is the first thing your hand finds and you throw it at RED in a futile effort to make him leave. As expected, it passes right through him, the intricacies of his face briefly fizzling into static before reverting back to his bemused expression.

He begins taking deliberate steps towards you, reveling in how you have nowhere to run. You meet his ruby eyes head on, sending a cold glare in response. As fucked up as this all is, you aren’t about to let some bit-crushed fuck get the better of you. Not without a fight, at least.

There is no more space between you. You watch RED closely, waiting for him to make a move so you can counter.

His left arm twitches.

RED grips your wrist so tightly you yelp. So much for trying to slip by. He keeps you in place as his left arm reaches into his jacket.

Despite the situation, your only thought is how unfair it is that he can touch you but not the other way around. You’d give a kidney to be able to deck him right now.

RED pulls out an item—the Game Boy you’d attempted to hide in the depths of the basement—and forces it into the hand he’s got a firm hold on.

“You forgot something,” he says, eyes alight with some strange emotion.

“You keep it,” you say as you try to free yourself. His touch is sending uncomfortable sensations along your wrist and arm, like his hand is comprised of small, electrified feathers. You hiss as he moves to grip your hand over the Game Boy, feeling leaving your fingers.

“I want you to keep it. It’s yours, after all.”

He backs away finally and you let out a curse as you cradle your sure-to-be-bruised arm.

“How about a game?” He watches your ever-sharp gaze attempt to pierce him again and laughs. You’re a fun one indeed.

“What the hell do you know about games, asshole? You can’t even play yours.” Damn your arm hurts. What did he do?

RED’s blithe façade falters for half a second, visage twisting into raw anger before he reigns it in. You are the most interesting player he’s ever had. He wants to have some fun with you, and he can’t do that if he slaughters you or drives you mad like the rest. He wants something different this time around.

How long can you possibly last against his unnatural torment before you either fall like the others or pass him along to his next victim?

RED laughs, the sound bouncing off the walls in weird ways as his form flickers and shifts.

You watch him all the while, trying to gauge what he’s thinking.

“Let’s see how long you hold up. You aren’t the first person I’ve tormented, but you’re the most fearless I’ve ever seen. Most people run screaming from me. But you…”

You suppress a shudder as his eyes flash brighter for a second. You’re finally realizing you’re dealing with something far more dangerous than a cursed video game. He’s watching you like you’re his prey. Despite this, you hold back a smirk.

You have the advantage of RED not realizing you’re more than the average ‘player.’

“You seem to think you stand a chance against me. So I’ll give you one. Either you succumb to madness or I somehow get fed up with you enough to leave myself. What do you think? Sound fun?”

You finally allow the smirk to show. “You’re on, Glitchy.”

[gaywriterthings]

Find your 3 oldest WIPS. Then list for each:

The inspiration- Why it's still a WIP- Will you finish- Why or why not-

Try not to mean to yourself!

OOOOOH

Oldest: Truth or Dare

The inspiration: this is a Zekina fic. shipped them, wanted to try writing them, started the fic in september of 2022

Why it's still a WIP: tbh i wrote the third chapter over a year after i'd posted the second. i guess i just wasn't too in love with the fic or really had many ideas for it

Will you finish: 99% sure i will not

Why or why not: like i said, i'm not too in love with the fic. plus, i don't really ship tina with zeke anymore per say, or with anyone. i just don't wanna put any more effort into it

Second Oldest: Countdown

The inspiration: this fic is a Victorious fic LMAO. started it in december of 2022 when i rewatched the show and started shipping beck and andré

Why it's still a WIP: i wrote all the way up through the climax, and then just stopped because i didn't have any ideas on what to do next. then i fell out of the hyperfixation and forgot about the fic

Will you finish: unfortunately, probably not

Why or why not: like i said, i don't have any ideas for an ending. plus, idk when/if i'll get into the show again. it kinda sucks, because i remember really liking what i'd had written

Third Oldest: all we need to be free

The inspiration: the season 12 Bob's finale Some Like It Bot. the fic is an alternate ending to that ep, like what if tina had actually destroyed the touchscreen. apparently i started this in may of 2023, which is crazy because i feel like it's been in my docs for far longer

Why it's still a WIP: i was stuck on how to continue it. plus, there's a lot of research i have to do for later on in the fic which demotivates me slightly LMAO

Will you finish: i definitely want to!

Why or why not: it's def hard to finish a fic like this when you're not in the middle of hyperfixating on the show. and i'm still stuck on how to continue it. i really like what i have written so far though so i'd love to continue it someday..

[jgydidnothingwrong]

Today I wanna do a little promotion to this little fic of mine:

Of greed, horror and love

Also known as the alien au xD.

I'm bad with promo tweets and everything, so I just gonna rant for a bit. This fic is about a alien race called tlic, who are a kind of giant worms who use human teenagers as hosts for their eggs. Sadly, not in a sexy way. Is not mine, the original is from a short story called Bloodchild, in the words of her author (Octavia Butler) is history about love, losing the childhood and paying rent in a strange world.

I've been fascinating with it for years and years and years and I always wanted to simply explore more of it, I wanted to know how that society came to be and since I'm so deeply... terrified of pregnancy as a concept, but Octavia made me think about it, I just wanted to... scratch the itch. Feed my hyperfixation. I don't even remember why I decided to start this with bingqiu, tbh, it just started one day (almost a year ago) and when I finished the bingqiu chapter I was like "i want more". And I started a second chapter.

The first chapter is about love. Or me trying to get what Octavia said about love, because for me, it need to be mutual in some way. So bingqiu is easy to write about love. But still horror, because Bloodchild is horrific in a way, and I didn't want to erase that.

The second chapter is about xenophobia, actually. In the original story, Gan was the boy paired with T'Gatoi, the tlic, and he loved her. But he has a brother who hates the tlics, who get how much different they are, how humans are nothing more than pets. And I was like, what about him? So I choose a Meng Yao, a character who canonically lives in fear but it didn't stop him, is paranoid but rational and will do whatever for my experiment with "how a person who can't see the aliens as partners can do it"? Sadly, that means there's not love in him for Lan XiChen but sense of responsibility haha.

Anyway, I'm pretty satisfied with how it ended, and that's weird!

I want more people to be fascinated with Octavia's words like I am. So pls read Bloodchild 🙇🏻‍♀️. Is short and shocking enough to serve as a introduction to her books.

[elsiebrayisgay]

For the ask game: 3, 16 and 17 😊

um yeah! 3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic so this has changed a lot since i started writing prose, tbh, but there are some hallmarks of my process that have stayed the same. the absolute first thing that has always remained true whether it's been more academic, poetry (which is what i did for my degree,) TTRPG stuff, or now prose fanfic, is that no matter what no matter where no matter when if i have an idea i do my best to write it down. i have lost too many good ideas to not being sure what i had thought up and being certain i'd remember it. so often when i am laying in bed drifting off to sleep and thinking about my work, i will grumble and sit up and unlock my laptop to type out some notes.

another thing that was true for a while and still holds up somewhat today (with caveats) is that when i get inspired by something, i *write*. the first chapter of sourceless bruises was written in one evening after i got home from being out at dinner. i'd had vague concepts and ideas floating around for months before then but when it finally hit me i just sat down and wrote. this doesn't really happen as much anymore because even though i have the inspiration and the hyperfixation, i just don't have the energy to be up and in such high gear for so long, so i need to break it up more. this was true of my poetry and essays for school as well, though; i would just sit down start turning work out when i wanted or needed to.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

alright so i've been kind of trying to figure out what i want to write after sourceless bruises. i took kind of a long break between my first fic and my second fic (more of these queer feelings... it's probably nothing on ao3) because i was just sort of waiting to have an idea i felt really solid about working on and that's how long it took. partially because sourceless bruises is a bigger project and is taking longer, these days i have a lot more ideas for what to work on next kicking around. none of them are really formed into anything super cogent, because i pretty strictly keep myself to one involved/long-term creative project at a time. however, things i have been interested in developing once i have wrapped up sourceless bruises in no particular order:

i have a draft started for a sequel to more of these queer feelings. it's mostly outlined, but i hadn't really gotten far into the drafting process.

korrasami modern au. this kind of setting adaptation is my bread and butter, if you couldn't tell. i posted a joke about this sort of idea on tumblr a while back but it actually got a lot more traction than i was expecting and so honestly i'm thinking about putting some more work in on it.

cait/vi (vilyn?) has been really interesting to me recently. i dunno, something about those girls. so i've been thinking about early stages of what i might want to do with them, whether to give them my normal au treatment or try something else.

i have also been working a bit on a premise for some original fiction. i will only say at this point that it will be horror/mystery and probably be a fair bit bleaker than what i tend to write for ao3 (though honestly i have no idea how i would go about publishing original fiction.)

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

okay so at this point it's time to circle back to the first answer in this post because honestly the truth of how i go about writing chapters these days falls a lot more under this question than that more general one. the first thing i'm going to say is that in my opinion, writing is labor. there's an old interview with john darnielle and john k. samson (among others) where JD talks about how there's no such thing as convenience store clerk block, or coal miner's block, so writers shouldn't get blocked—they should just keep sitting down to write, and to some extent i believe in that idea, but i want to add nuance. i think there probably is such a thing as convenience store clerk block, and coal miner's block, it's just that society doesn't allow or expect them to take breaks, or go on sabbatical or whatever. so they end up working through, and maybe burning out. i think that labor is something that any person, in any field, needs to take at their own personal sustainable pace. it's really easy, as a writer, to compare yourself to others. word counts on ao3, stories published, etc. but i think it's very important to listen to your mind and body about what you need as a creative person and also just as a person. if you've got nothing right now, i think it is important to try allowing your mind to simply lie fallow. there's that post about mental crop rotation, and about letting your mind have time where it isn't expected to turn out anything that needs to get put on a page. i think respecting that need is pretty important. this philosophy is how i've been going about writing since i got out of school.

this ties into the actual difficulty i've mostly been having with sourceless bruises. around late 2022/early 2023 i had some life circumstances cause my chronic illness to get a lot more severe, from which i have never fully recovered. this has meant that my pain is a lot worse, and my energy levels are a lot lower. what i used to be able to do with turning out thousands of words a day when i was really inspired happens only very rarely now, when those moments line up with my good days. there's another post on here (somewhere in my reblogs) talking about what to do as a fic writer when your capabilities change, and a lot of the advice on that post has stuck with me. accepting my limits and working within them has definitely meant that my process is a lot slower, especially during flares (and once the weather warms up in the spring i am mostly stuck in one big flare until fall) but it also means that i get to maintain the quality of what i produce and my own quality of life. in these periods, i mostly just try to carve out a bit of time every day when i am able to sit up, usually only fifteen or twenty minutes or so, to peck away at my draft. i sit down, get a paragraph or two dealt with, maybe look at a bit of research, maybe not, and at the end of it i have maybe two hundred more words than i did before. some days, i don't even feel up to this. sometimes i go a week without doing it. but i try to just carve out some time when i can to peck away and eventually i end up with a finished chapter. that's really what my creative process looks like these days.

[usuimisaki]

Why do I like reading shoujo so much?

My first reaction is to deflect. That’s how society is. Adults write and write sordid stories about teenagers all the time, a la Gossip Girl and Euphoria. Furthermore, we live in a man’s world, and men gobble up stuff which is ostensibly for boys: superheroes and their ilk. But when women fangirl over stuff ostensibly for girls we’re belittled for being juvenile.

Even if it’s not an unusual problem, it still begs the question why. Why is the world so preoccupied with youth to the point that they have characters who are literal minors? I’ve actually read and enjoyed multiple josei works, but they’ve never inspired the type of hyperfixation that shoujo manga has inspired. Josei and seinen are complex and messy. I accept that messiness. But with shoujo like KWMS and GSNK things are simpler. There���s more room to play. The characters, no matter how developed, are still literally undeveloped. This can inspire future fic of what the characters will be like as adults. It also makes them more malleable. High schoolers exist in a liminal space. They can go anywhere, be anything. They have choices and the freedom to take those choices in hand.

Adult manga (not sexually explicit, but dealing with adulthood) is about limits. The characters are getting old. They’re leaving dreams behind. They’re settling in their careers or accepting that their relationships aren’t ideal. They’re compromising—because reality. Besides romance and friends, they also have to deal with a job and taking care of their parents and/or taking care of kids. I love these kinds of stories because they are a mirror of my own life, or things that I can realistically imagine having to deal with.

My high school days are behind me, and I have to say, I didn’t enjoy them that much. The teenage dramas I read about are less a reminder of my high school days than a high school fantasy—one where school is more of a background than a concern and parents hardly even make an appearance.

Contrast this to office worker josei. Even the most sexually explicit manga where you’d think the office space is just a convenient setting always has some office drama which is ultimately about worker competency. Love is Hard for Otaku is mostly about dating and being an otaku, but fitting into office culture and being competent at your job is inseparable part of it as well.

KWMS is actually fairly complex for shoujo. It acknowledges that some students have financial difficulties and it has Misaki compete with Usui academically and studying for college entrance exams is a big plot line, but most of the time she’s more concerned about school council activities in a hyperbolic manner. And despite the series being about the contrast between being a school president and a maid, more of the storylines center on her part-time job at the maid cafe. She enters into a relationship with a rich foreigner with a tragic backstory which causes them to have to endure a long-distance relationship. But somehow they overcome all of that. And Misaki’s family’s dire financial straits get resolved even before she marries into the .01%.

GSNK though? Those kids must all be frickin’ rich. They never seem to have any concerns about having money to go out to a cafe, buy manga, or buy clothes. Kashima is the only one with a job, and she’s probably just working there because the cafe needs staff. There’s maybe one chapter where three not-so-great students try to study together with poor results—but since these students aren’t very academically focused, it’s just played off for laughs. The best student (Kashima) also has some of the least common sense. The one with the actual least common sense (Wakamatsu) is the second best student out of the cast. The only time we’ve seen parents are when it was played for laughs how Nozaki could live away from home because 1) he had his own money and 2) he knew how to cook, though he was lacking in 3) romantic experience.

Shoujo is about the possibility of love, and that when you do fall in love, that it’s going to last a lifetime. It’s about one true pairings.

Josei is about navigating new relationships with the scars of your previous relationships. One of my favorite josei series, Kimi was Petto, is all about that. It’s about the uncertainty that the relationship you’re in is good enough to stand the test of time, the realities of finances, career, social pressure, familial acceptance, and sense of self.

Shoujo hardly ever touches on those topics, preferring to create a love triangle for manufactured conflict. Again, KWMS is a bit of an exception. There’s definitely the love triangle aspect because you need to look at the different possibilities without, like, having had those other possibilities, but it does at least address class differences and different family culture and how that can lead to social pressure for college and career paths (which is why Usui goes to college in the UK and Misaki feels like she needs to get into a more competitive college). In the meantime, Tsubaki-sensei has acknowledged her fans’ with for an endless summer, so that Hori will never graduate and go to college—which is kind of odd, considering that there’s a college so local that they work at the same cafe as Kashima. But still, if Hori were to be a college student, then he wouldn’t haunt the hallways of Roman Academy or be able to interact with Kashima in drama club.

So let’s get to the gist of it. Why do I write smut with high school characters. Well, I love these characters. And they’re in high school. And I’m a sucker for canon. So it makes sense to set these sex scenes in high school. It’s not that I’ve never aged up these characters, but when I do I run into problems, like the fact that Misaki and Usui don’t live in same country. Or that Hori and Kashima are actually dealing with some actual drama about their future careers and how to define a relationship. Or they have kids, which are a huge impediment to having sex.

I recently read about centering lives around friendship instead of romantic relationships, and what it is that creates barriers for friendships, platonic or not. You need to have time and a shared space and touch. Two of the three are really easy to come by in school, where you don’t just spend 8 hours a day kind of goofing off on your parents’ dime, but you also live close together. Not to dismiss the huge pressure some students have to study and get into an elite college, but you do have more free time on your hands as a student, just because you don’t have to spend that time paying bills or cleaning your own house. I really don’t know how Nozaki does it.